NOW AT AGE 36 I FEEL LIKE I LIVED LONG ENOUGH TO BE ABLE TO SAY THAT I CAN DO ANYTHING. I THINK ONCE YOU'VE HAD IT HARD YOU CAN'T GO ANYWHERE BUT UP. AND THATS WHAT I INTEND ON CONTINUING. I THINK EVERYONE SHOULD. NO MATTER HOW TOUGH THE ROAD IS TO GET THERE , PUT IT IN YOUR MIND AND GET THERE. DREAMS DO COME TRUE, JUST NOT WHEN YOU WANT THEM TO. BUT THAT MAKES THE CHALLANGES OF LIFE ALL WORTH WHILE. I LOOK FORWARD TO CONTINUING TO BE A GOOD HUSBAND AND FATHER AND TEACHING MY KIDS THAT ITS OK TO BE DISCOURAGED ITS OK TO STRUGGLE, BUT IT IS NEVER OK TO GIVE UP.
OK WANT TO THANK EVERYONE FOR READING THIS BLOG STAY TUNE FOR MY NEXT BLOG ENTITLED. WHAT MAKES A WOMAN A GOLD DIGGER
Monday, August 15, 2011
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
30 plus volume 4
now i was 34 and to my surprise we found out that lisa and i were expecting our second child. i was scared at first because i had just finally been able to take a breath finacially. but i remembered that as long as you have faith in god, he will provide. 9 months later i found myself at gbmc for a second time and joshua matthew barnes was born. this was crazy, where elizabeth came out with a head full of hair and looked chinese, joshua came out with no hair with blue eyes. so i immediately looked at lisa and said hey is there something you want to tell me. but of course she gave me the clair huxtable stare and was like don't even go there. i knew that though. lisa may be a pain in the ass but she is as faithful as they come. come to find out her grandfather had blue eyes and so i guess joshua had inherited them from him. now they are green. we laugh about it to this day. now we had to nickname him so we called him butt , because he slept with his butt up in the air. pretty strange huh. but thats the barnes family.
i gotta say i felt good though in my mid 30's. i had my boy and my girl, all i needed was a dog to complete the set. it felt like all the nay sayers fuled me to do the right thing. it felt like i could teach my kids that anything is possible. i always wanted to be married with kids and have a house and vacations and all of that and i was able to achieve that. but i know inside i'm not done, i can't be. i have to continue to set new goals , i have to continue to try i have to continue to believe. and i want happiniess for everyone for my family for my friends, i just want everyone to be happy because i know what its like to be miserable and feel like the whole world is comming down on you. my life had changed i had grown up and believe me i needed to. things had gotten so much better for me, and to me thats the american dream. its not about materialistics. its about knowing that you can and proving to yourself that you can.
next up age 36 lets go!
i gotta say i felt good though in my mid 30's. i had my boy and my girl, all i needed was a dog to complete the set. it felt like all the nay sayers fuled me to do the right thing. it felt like i could teach my kids that anything is possible. i always wanted to be married with kids and have a house and vacations and all of that and i was able to achieve that. but i know inside i'm not done, i can't be. i have to continue to set new goals , i have to continue to try i have to continue to believe. and i want happiniess for everyone for my family for my friends, i just want everyone to be happy because i know what its like to be miserable and feel like the whole world is comming down on you. my life had changed i had grown up and believe me i needed to. things had gotten so much better for me, and to me thats the american dream. its not about materialistics. its about knowing that you can and proving to yourself that you can.
next up age 36 lets go!
30 plus volume 3
being 33, life felt like it had turned a corner for me finally. financially i had arrived. and i love that expression because when you come from what i've come from and you finally are able to stand strong among the rest, well it makes you feel good about yourself, it makes you feel proud. it makes you feel like all the hard work, all of the long nights of wondering how you were gonna pay your bills were finally comming to an end. i remember dating girls that were only about money or hanging with dudes that would brag about the money that had at the time but now this was real life this was where everything counted and i was standing tall, as far as the rest of them all i can say is dayum what a shame. i'm not one to brag so i will never do that. i will always be humble and grateful knowing that me and lisa and our children are very blessed to be where we are. but we fought for this. it damn sure wasn't handed to us. we went through so much and now we were where we wanted to be. we were able to give ourselves and elizabeth the family life we always wanted.
you see being a minority means one thing survival. you have to know how to do that because your not gonna be handed a damn thing unless its bullshit and that you can find for free. i learned a long time ago that rules of society are set up for minorities to fail and thats why most do. they become content with their status and they don't keep reaching and trying. but you have to, you can never be content because while others have a free ride you have nothing. this certainly isn't a racial blogg this is reality. i've seen and lived through this. and you have to know the rules of the game before you play it. and you also have to play by these rules until you are able to stand on your own and make your own rules. and it feels good to do that. its like going to the bank and depositing 500 bucks the teller says to you thanks have a nice day. now try depositing 5,000 dollars and they don't know how to act, bank managers are racing from their lunch break to help you with anything you may need. in other words they are straight kissing your ass. to me, you should have treated me that way no matter how much i was depositing but this is where we are and how we live.
life was good , i couldn't complain, i was doing everything i needed to do to support my family and my marriage had survived some pretty rough obstacles. i remember my uncle sitting me down asking me at the time would i have anymore kids. i was like i'm not sure i'm just now getting things together. and he said" when your marriage is on track, everything clicks mentally and physically, and because of that your gonna have kids. a good marriage is baby making music, its just gonna happen." and guess what happen
next chapter age 34 a dad again!
you see being a minority means one thing survival. you have to know how to do that because your not gonna be handed a damn thing unless its bullshit and that you can find for free. i learned a long time ago that rules of society are set up for minorities to fail and thats why most do. they become content with their status and they don't keep reaching and trying. but you have to, you can never be content because while others have a free ride you have nothing. this certainly isn't a racial blogg this is reality. i've seen and lived through this. and you have to know the rules of the game before you play it. and you also have to play by these rules until you are able to stand on your own and make your own rules. and it feels good to do that. its like going to the bank and depositing 500 bucks the teller says to you thanks have a nice day. now try depositing 5,000 dollars and they don't know how to act, bank managers are racing from their lunch break to help you with anything you may need. in other words they are straight kissing your ass. to me, you should have treated me that way no matter how much i was depositing but this is where we are and how we live.
life was good , i couldn't complain, i was doing everything i needed to do to support my family and my marriage had survived some pretty rough obstacles. i remember my uncle sitting me down asking me at the time would i have anymore kids. i was like i'm not sure i'm just now getting things together. and he said" when your marriage is on track, everything clicks mentally and physically, and because of that your gonna have kids. a good marriage is baby making music, its just gonna happen." and guess what happen
next chapter age 34 a dad again!
Sunday, August 7, 2011
30 plus volume 2
life was hard in my early 30's but it was fulfilling i was a dad for the first time and married and although the financial woes were horrible. i was determined to pull ahead of every obstacle that stood before me. all but one. one that i never expected to be a problem and that was the inlaws. you see some people never realize how jealousy can affect someone. it can turn you against your bestfriend, if you let it. but yet there it stood with people who didn't know me from the jump. here i was an african american man married to a filipino woman and that in itself was unacceptable to some. no i wasn't a drug dealer and no i wasn't a womanizer or even an abusive person. but still hate exsisted. now what was i to do. well the choice for me was easy. and that was to keep on doing what i always did. stay focused and not let the people around me bring their bullshit to my life. now for me this was easy because i have always been like that. you see getting married means that you chose your spouse over everyone else. they become your bestfriend. together you can go far, but seperate your not going anywhere. and thats what this problem was all about. although me and lisa loved eachother very much we were in fact from different worlds. we were very different. and it showed during this course of problems.
sometimes you never want to think that the people closest to you are out to hurt you, but the truth is they are more likely to do it than anyone else, mainly because they feel that because they are family, they get a free pass. well not with me you don't. i stood my ground on this and i never swayed from it. the moment you stop putting me first and allow others to disrespect our marriage the more likely and definitely we won't make it. and this problem stood in the way for a while man. it was just something that wasn't going away. but like all problems, you have to deal with them and get rid of them. and thats exactly what we did.
now of course being the person that i am, i believe very strongly in family, i grew up with a loving family but chaos was again at my front door so i did what i do best. fcous on the positive and turn the page.
next chapter the barnes family gains success, yes there is a rainbow at the end of the sky finally age 33
sometimes you never want to think that the people closest to you are out to hurt you, but the truth is they are more likely to do it than anyone else, mainly because they feel that because they are family, they get a free pass. well not with me you don't. i stood my ground on this and i never swayed from it. the moment you stop putting me first and allow others to disrespect our marriage the more likely and definitely we won't make it. and this problem stood in the way for a while man. it was just something that wasn't going away. but like all problems, you have to deal with them and get rid of them. and thats exactly what we did.
now of course being the person that i am, i believe very strongly in family, i grew up with a loving family but chaos was again at my front door so i did what i do best. fcous on the positive and turn the page.
next chapter the barnes family gains success, yes there is a rainbow at the end of the sky finally age 33
Monday, August 1, 2011
30 PLUS volume one
i woke up this morning at around 5am and looked into the bathroom mirror. i couldn't believe it. i am 36. now this may just sound like an age to most people but to me it was a very big deal. i look back at where i came from and how i grew up and the odds that were aginst me and found myself at 36. i felt proud. its still hard to believe sometimes. the kid that was born to a single african -american mother and a father who didn't give the square root of shit whether i lived or died. i guess i can say that i felt that i had the odds stacked against me from the beginning. i can remember my grandmother telling me as kid that i would go on to do alot of good things in the world and here i am 36 married with two kids. wow man!
its funny i can look back at 29 and i see myself walking out of gbmc hospital with my wife lisa ann barnes and our first born child elizabeth ann barnes. it was crazy because i was no longer that guy that was up in newyork and philly partying all the time. i was a married man with a child. and this i never saw comming. it was really cool at first because i was married. i had someone to come home to and i never had that before. we would actually go out on dates as if we were a two teenagers, playing pool, movies every weekend and even playing air hockey. but now at approaching 30 we were about to become parents. and i must admit i was nervous. i learned how to change my first diaper and i actually was able to clean up poop without getting sick. i had my first scare when elizabeth fell and i learned to make bottles and everything. everything was awesome it was great. i was married with my first child in my career and nothing could stop me. but then it hit me. BILLS! I had so many bills even my bills had bills. i never would have guessed that daycare cost 220 a week and formula was costing me about 80 bucks a week not to mention diapers and clothes and everything else baby elizabeth needed. i was barely able to afford anything for myself. but it was worth it. i was a husband at a dad and now 30 and i felt like my life was comming full circle. then things beagn to change and the real challanges began.
a good friend of mine who was sort of a father figure to me told me that its easy to get married but harder to stay married and boy he wasn't lying. the honey moon phase was over. our life now revolved around bills daycare expenses groceries and clothes for elizabeth. at one point we were working just to pay for daycare. you see i didn't have that supporting cast that most people have. you know, mom and dad watch the baby so i can go out and have a life. no way! me and lisa had this child and we were determined to raise her. it seemed like the bills would never end because everytime i blinked there was something else due. i wanted to complain but what was i going to say, i'm not doing it? no way was i gonna be like my father who i never even knew. that in itself drove me to push harder to be a better husband and father. but don't get me wrong it was a round trip ticket to hell and back through the process. i can remember looking at my paycheck saying yeah i make lots of money. then the bills hit and i was like yeah that shit should have read pay to the order of the fucking bills. i gotta laugh because everytime i got mad about the situation i would look at my daughter who slept with one foot up in the air and thats why we named her feet and we still do to this day. its funny because when i call her feet most people don't get it. but she really is feet lol. i guess you had to be there to see it.
anyways things started to improve we both started to make more money at our jobs and our marriage had survived 2 years things were looking up , then the bombshell hit.
next chapter age 32 lets go!
its funny i can look back at 29 and i see myself walking out of gbmc hospital with my wife lisa ann barnes and our first born child elizabeth ann barnes. it was crazy because i was no longer that guy that was up in newyork and philly partying all the time. i was a married man with a child. and this i never saw comming. it was really cool at first because i was married. i had someone to come home to and i never had that before. we would actually go out on dates as if we were a two teenagers, playing pool, movies every weekend and even playing air hockey. but now at approaching 30 we were about to become parents. and i must admit i was nervous. i learned how to change my first diaper and i actually was able to clean up poop without getting sick. i had my first scare when elizabeth fell and i learned to make bottles and everything. everything was awesome it was great. i was married with my first child in my career and nothing could stop me. but then it hit me. BILLS! I had so many bills even my bills had bills. i never would have guessed that daycare cost 220 a week and formula was costing me about 80 bucks a week not to mention diapers and clothes and everything else baby elizabeth needed. i was barely able to afford anything for myself. but it was worth it. i was a husband at a dad and now 30 and i felt like my life was comming full circle. then things beagn to change and the real challanges began.
a good friend of mine who was sort of a father figure to me told me that its easy to get married but harder to stay married and boy he wasn't lying. the honey moon phase was over. our life now revolved around bills daycare expenses groceries and clothes for elizabeth. at one point we were working just to pay for daycare. you see i didn't have that supporting cast that most people have. you know, mom and dad watch the baby so i can go out and have a life. no way! me and lisa had this child and we were determined to raise her. it seemed like the bills would never end because everytime i blinked there was something else due. i wanted to complain but what was i going to say, i'm not doing it? no way was i gonna be like my father who i never even knew. that in itself drove me to push harder to be a better husband and father. but don't get me wrong it was a round trip ticket to hell and back through the process. i can remember looking at my paycheck saying yeah i make lots of money. then the bills hit and i was like yeah that shit should have read pay to the order of the fucking bills. i gotta laugh because everytime i got mad about the situation i would look at my daughter who slept with one foot up in the air and thats why we named her feet and we still do to this day. its funny because when i call her feet most people don't get it. but she really is feet lol. i guess you had to be there to see it.
anyways things started to improve we both started to make more money at our jobs and our marriage had survived 2 years things were looking up , then the bombshell hit.
next chapter age 32 lets go!
SEX GETS BETTER WITH AGE chapt 5
we all can agree on one thing when the sex is good, its fuckin slamming , its the sex that you just don't want to get out of bed from. but the good thing is you can do it all over again. sex can be fun, it can be sensual, it can be fuckin awesome and adventurous. but always remember to respect one another and love one another and keep that conversation wide open for unlimited possibilities. you'd be surprise on how good your sex life can become.
ok peeps thanks for reading my latest blog, catch my next blog, "30 plus" as i tell my own story and views and several chapters as i view life at 36. this is gonna be very personal you don't wanna miss it. lets go!
ok peeps thanks for reading my latest blog, catch my next blog, "30 plus" as i tell my own story and views and several chapters as i view life at 36. this is gonna be very personal you don't wanna miss it. lets go!
SEX GETS BETTER WITH AGE chapt 4
what makes sex good to a man. well speaking as a man and from a man's point of view. most men like the idea of being pleased. now that doesn't mean we are afraid to put the work in. hell i'll put in overtime myself if needed. but we love to be pleased. yes we too love massages and footrubs, and yes blow jobs. for those who didn't hear me let me say this a little louder. YES MEN LIKE BLOW JOBS! we need the them, its a must. its almost like sex had two parts one is positional and the other is oral. now some women do not like to give them and i can respect that. but its almost a requirement for the job if i may. it goes right on the resume under hobbies. you know ride bikes, have sex, give blow jobs. now is it wrong for a guy to always expect a blow job, well no just as it isn't wrong for a woman to expect oral sex. yes men we need to go down and take a dive as well. oral sex is like the appetizer before the main course its gets you started, doesn't fill you up but gives you just enough to get your sex buds up and running. now don't get me wrong i get it, i undertstand that some men stink! i've heard women say this about guys but ladies drop a hint to these stinky boyfriends of yours, just say hey i want to give you a blow job but you really stink! i suggest you go and take a shower and oh yeah use soap this time around. sure it could hurt his feelings but the truth hurts sometimes.
now men, its called taking care of yourself down there, you gotta wash that area as you would your face. very carefully. you have to use lotion and baby powder to make sure that even when you sweat your balls don't. i mean come on, no woman wants to suck on some sweaty ass balls. if you think your not getting a blow job now keep doing that shit and you'll never get one. ok next make sure your underwear is clean. windows may have streaks but your damn boxers certainly should not. and last but not least. work it out with your partner when you climax, not everyone wants to go that extra mile. some women can get very adventurous but don't assume anything be respectful.
ok now ladies, men well some men love oral sex i know i do. i think its the next best thing to tasting strawberries well without the strawberries. i love oral sex i think i rank it right up there with regular sex. but there are some issues that can prevent your man from going down on you. ok first of all ladies. pleae wash. forget the douche for a second i mean really wash. even if that means you have to do a hand stand in the shower with your legs open. hey what ever works for you. but you gotta get in there and you gotta get in there good. ok next you gotta shave, i mean come on now, no body is that interested in visiting the jungle. and of course use that edible body oil that is awesome and gets the senses aroused! yeah you gotta try that. and of course dress for the occassion. and here we go.
i remember dating this girl where she wore alot of sweats , i mean even when we went out she looked like she was ready to go jogging. so when we had sex there was like no imagination there. no guy wants a girl to have sex in some sweats that says "i'm awesome" on the ass. where something nice and elegant but freaky. something that reveals not too much but just enough so that your man will be ready to rip your clothes off. and last but not least be respectful as well when your ready to climax talk to your partner not everyone is thirsty right then.
ok lets close this out next chapter.
now men, its called taking care of yourself down there, you gotta wash that area as you would your face. very carefully. you have to use lotion and baby powder to make sure that even when you sweat your balls don't. i mean come on, no woman wants to suck on some sweaty ass balls. if you think your not getting a blow job now keep doing that shit and you'll never get one. ok next make sure your underwear is clean. windows may have streaks but your damn boxers certainly should not. and last but not least. work it out with your partner when you climax, not everyone wants to go that extra mile. some women can get very adventurous but don't assume anything be respectful.
ok now ladies, men well some men love oral sex i know i do. i think its the next best thing to tasting strawberries well without the strawberries. i love oral sex i think i rank it right up there with regular sex. but there are some issues that can prevent your man from going down on you. ok first of all ladies. pleae wash. forget the douche for a second i mean really wash. even if that means you have to do a hand stand in the shower with your legs open. hey what ever works for you. but you gotta get in there and you gotta get in there good. ok next you gotta shave, i mean come on now, no body is that interested in visiting the jungle. and of course use that edible body oil that is awesome and gets the senses aroused! yeah you gotta try that. and of course dress for the occassion. and here we go.
i remember dating this girl where she wore alot of sweats , i mean even when we went out she looked like she was ready to go jogging. so when we had sex there was like no imagination there. no guy wants a girl to have sex in some sweats that says "i'm awesome" on the ass. where something nice and elegant but freaky. something that reveals not too much but just enough so that your man will be ready to rip your clothes off. and last but not least be respectful as well when your ready to climax talk to your partner not everyone is thirsty right then.
ok lets close this out next chapter.
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